Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It STARTED Out As A "Normal" Day....

Most days are about the same around here -

Get up, drain the cow, feed the goats, feed the cats, feed the chickens, etc, etc...

Ok, I usually feed the cats first because they howl the most. For someone who can catch their own food, they sure seem adamant about getting fed by me in the morning.

For added excitement, I sometimes feed the chickens first.....

Yesterday was no different. I followed my normal morning routine, but got it going quicker because we had to go to Lincoln and do our monthly shopping.

We both enjoy these monthly trips to the big city. It's these voyages into Loonyville that allow the hillbillies to laugh at "normal" people.

***Disclaimer*** Before any relatives who live in Loonyville get up in arms, I'm not necessarily including you in being "loony". That question you will need to answer for yourselves..... I DO, however, know of a couple people I attended High School with living in the area. They DEFINITELY qualify as loony.....

Meanwhile -

We got things done and rounded up around the Hillbilly Farm, and headed down the road. All was well - so far.

I picked up my cell phone....

Uh Oh - using a cell phone while driving....I'm going STRAIGHT to Hell....

Anyway - Deb's brother, Mark, was out over the weekend to pick up an old pickup he found for sale near our house. For SOME reason, I was driving, talking on the phone, and trying to point out to Deb, where we got the truck from. I was even turning a corner while dong this.

Well - as I was doing all these things - "networking" as I like to call it - I accidentally flicked my eyeglasses off of my head while pointing down the road we brought the truck down. They landed comfortably in the back seat, and promptly ran and hid.

Fast track to Hades, now.....

So, here we are, travelling down the highway at near 60 mph, talking on my cell phone, blind as a bat, with my wife laughing hysterically and trying not to be loud so the person on the other end of the phone wouldn't hear. She is also fumbling around with stuff in the backseat - and unable to come up with my glasses.

Remember - "Everything is perfectly legal - as long as there are no cops...."

I finally had to pull off the highway, end my call, and find my own glasses. Deb was laughing so hard that she was crying.

I don't know about people who laugh hysterically at other people's misfortunes....

I couldn't do that flick move again if I tried - my glasses left in about 0.00004856328 seconds, and I didn't even FEEL it. Deb, of course, laughed and cried all of the way into town - about 50 miles worth.

Most of the rest of the day was regular nonsense of battling the Loonies until we headed to Walmart.

Walmart is in a class of it's own when it comes to Loonies. You can see them all at discount prices...We actually try to avoid Wally, it's quality and products have really declined in the past couple of years.

It's the free entertainment that draws us back.

Take yesterday - here we were, wandering about the store, looking for items we needed (we find fewer of them on each subsequent trip to the store...). Nothing abnormal there - well, maybe the 20 something Dolly Parton look-alike walking around in her see-through pajamas, or the freak with a dangling earring in his NOSE....

We collect our stuff, and head to the checkout lanes.

Deb picked it, so I claim blamelessness.....

She pulled into a lane with only one lady in front of us. She had a small boy sitting in her cart, and she was loading her bagged purchases behind him just as fast as the checker could spit them out.

Unfortunately, his "spit out" rate was about 1 every 5 minutes.....

He was an older gentleman - probably pushing 70 - and he was probably doing his best, but things confused him - like "Is this a Cucumber, or a Zucchini?", he would ask. He was EXTREMELY slow. I swear, the woman's kid was a newborn when we saw them earlier in the store - now he was about 4.....

Even though we spent well over a half hour in the check out lane (after we had unloaded our cart...), we felt kinda bad for the guy. He was obviously in over his head at the fancy computerised check stand. Probably not the best use of employee talents.

Oh well, it gave us time to view more Loonies. Even Dolly walked by again.

And I SWEAR I saw Elvis buying doughnuts......

3 comments:

  1. *giggle* It was a good day for laughs! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. peopleofwalmart.com

    Sounds like you should have taken pics!
    :)

    ReplyDelete

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