Saturday, January 8, 2011

Those Cell Phone Will Be The Death Of Us All...

I went to a funeral this morning. My cousin had died earlier in the week, and everyone was gathered to celebrate her life and say goodbye.

It was a short, friendly, caring service with lots of family and friends. I took a seat next to another cousin and my two Aunts.

Things were going along well when, all of a sudden, my cell phone began to ring. I THOUGHT I had turned it off, but - evidently - I hit the button too many times, and it came back on. At any rate, the small chapel was awash in a LOUD rock and roll serenade from my phone. I couldn't answer it, so I put it under my leg to kill the sound until it stopped it's noise and I could make SURE it was off.

My two Aunts, my cousin and a few others gave me "dirty" looks, and I sat a little lower in the pew.

Everything was fine - for a couple of minutes until music filled the air AGAIN. Everyone looked right at ME, but this time, I was innocent. The phone kept ringing until my cousin realized it was HER phone. It made me feel a little better knowing that I wasn't the only one who got evil looks from people.

My cousin told me that "her kids must have turned it back on". I told her they must have messed with MINE, too.

I remember going to a funeral a few years ago. It was a nice summer day, and about 100 people were standing in and around the tent at the graveside service. The preacher was just getting wound up, and into his "Ashes, to Ashes....", speech when IT happened....

Everyone within earshot (meaning ALL of us) hear a telephone ring. Not a mechanical ring like everyone is used to, but an old-time actual RING, like telephones USED to sound like. This first ring was kind of low and subdued - nothing too special, just loud enough to be heard.

The odd thing was - nobody moved to answer it.

Then it happened again , and a third time - each time a little louder...

ring...

Ring...

RING...

On the second ring, the owner - a tall man in a dark blue suit - began to fumble in his pockets to shut the thing up. By this time, everyone, including the preacher and the dearly departed's family - had taken notice of who the offending noise belonged to.

It wasn't until after the third - LOUD - ring had transpired when the owner managed to grab his phone from the outside pocket of his suit coat. By then, it was too late - he was definitely DOOMED.

Apparently, his phone was programed with one of those "special" rings - a "custom" one that changed a little with each "ring".

This became WIDELY known in the following few seconds as he fumbled in vain to shut the thing off. As if the first three rings were bad enough, with their heightening crescendo of telephony, it was the fourth, and final, "ring" that got everyone's attention.

The air was still, the crowd was silent, the preacher was speaking softly, when out of the clear, soft breeze came the following:

ring....

Ring...

RING...

Then, a LOUD Drill Instructor voice saying:

ANSWER THE GOD**** PHONE!!!"

I just hope the dearly departed had a sense of humor...

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