Gideon's Cat

I've noticed this tom cat we have doing this several times over the past few months. Every time I take out some milk for them, he's opposed to getting his whiskers wet, and decides to "scoop" up the milk, and lick it from his paw.



I've also noticed that he's training the little yellow kitten right next to him in the video....

It' reminded us of how God chose Gideon's Army to fight the Midianites in the Bible (Judges), by having them go to the brook and take a drink of water - those who scooped it up with their hands were chosen (300 of them), those who lapped it up with their mouths, were sent home.

I have been trying to get a video of this cat for over a month now, but he keeps avoiding the camera - especially if I started to talk (that's why there is no "narration" to the video...).

This time, though, I kept silent, and he held up his end of the bargain, and started dipping.

I just hope I'm not in store for another 299 crazy cats for a furrball "army" -

I have enough goofball critters around here as it is....

Hooves, Paws, Teeth, Tractors and Cuds....

I had some help this past week - some actually "helpful", and others annoying, but all of it unsolicited.

The "annoying" part came from the cats and cows. The cats didn't really join in, they just sat back and told us how to do things, then zipped across in front of us a "opportunistic" times when we least expected it. They also rearranged parts on the workbench.

I wish they'd CLEAN it while they were there, instead of playing with stuff....

Mostly, they holler about wanting fed more than twice a week......

The NERVE of some people.

Then, the cows got into the act. They all stand outside of the barn door, waiting (impatiently) to get in to be fed. If I am taking too long (in their minds...), they start knocking at the door.

"Knock, knock...."

"Who's there"?

"The COW....".

"The cow, WHO..."?

"Don't mess with me - I weigh 900 pounds, I'm hungry, and I can squish you like a grape".

If I am too slow at getting the door open, the offending cow (take your pick, they ALL have it figured out) bounces the door, causing the chain and hook to dislodge, and allowing the pointy faced cow to stick her nose in, open the door, and waltze right in.

I snookered them this week, though - I installed a different door latch - one that holds the door tight against the barn.



So, now they knock on the door, pause, knock louder, then LOUDER, then.....

Grumble because they have to wait.

Poor bovine.

I DID actually get some GOOD help from Honey the other day, though. I still can't lift much, so I wheel a bale out to the cows with my "Bale Buggy" cart. I just roll it up to the feeder, cut the twines, and put it in. I've gotten to the point where I can even just roll the bale off the cart, and into the feeder - then cut the twine.

Honey saw me rolling the bale one day, and decided to lend a hand....er...hoof....er CUD. I had one end of the bale, and Honey grabbed the other end. She lifted most of the weight straight up. All I had to do was flip my end over the feeder. When she let go (with a mouthful of hay), the whole thing dropped right into where it belonged.

I wish she'd help every day....

A couple days later, Yani lent a paw - or teeth. There I was, minding my own business, skinning a deer in the barn, when I feel a huge tug on the fur.



She sure was adamant about getting the skin off. I suspect her motivation was me taking too long, and her wanting a good, fresh bone to chew on.

I also had help on my tractor! Last Saturday, I got a phone call about 2:00 PM. It was a friend who said he was in town, and wondered if I needed help on anything, he said he'd be going right by, so it was no problem to stop.

We went to the barn, and tore into the F-12, and took the transmission completely apart. Right down to "bare bones". I just need to clean the "muck" out of the case, clean all the parts, make some gaskets, then start putting it back together -

if I remember how....




Now I have more parts laying on the bench for the cats to play with....

Scaredy Cat....

On some of these "warmer" mornings, I've been - against my better judgement - heading out to the barn at an ungodly hour of 0500. At that hour - even the cows are too sleepy to eat breakfast.

Besides, feeding - or milking - cows, isn't the reason I've been going out there so early. Nope - not cows - just some "projects" and special tools to build for working on tractors and other things around the farm. Most times, I'll go to bed with a "problem", and DREAM about how to solve it.

I have to get outside and get it done before I wake up enough to forget how to do it....

Well, a few days ago, I remember getting up, going out to the barn and working. After a few minutes, I headed up to the wood shop to get a few things, then went back to the barn to sleepwalk through whatever it was I was working on.

The next day - I managed to keep myself in the house until morning had actually arrived. It wasn't until well afternoon when I made the trip up to my wood shop to glue a few pieces together on a cutting board I was building.

When I first opened the door, I heard something crash across the room. I didn't think too much about it - thinking it was just something falling due to the vibrations of me entering the room and shutting the door.

Until it happened again...

This time it was accompanied by a high pitched "yowl", and some hissing. Not being SURE what it was, I grabbed the nearest thing I could find to use as a weapon - a claw hammer - and moved closer to the action.

Being almost deaf in one ear, it sometimes is hard for me to narrow down where a sound is coming from, but this particular one was a bit easier because it had movement along with it - and that told me it was something underneath a kitchen cabinet in the corner.

Slowly, I got down on the floor - keeping careful watch for the monster under the cabinet, in case it came flying out at me. By now, I had figured it to be a cat, but had no clue as to WHICH cat. All of mine are "friendly" so I had pictured one of a couple strays we had seen around, had somehow managed to get in the shop and was hiding from me.

I edged closer and closer to the spot where the demon lay in wait, until I could catch a glimpse of the furry fiend...

It turned out to be "Tux" - our long-haired "kitten" born here last spring (ok - FULL GROWN kitten...). Once I recognised who it was, I started to call out to her (by NAME, as if THAT mattered...).

The recognition must have gone both ways - once Tux figured out who HER monster was, she decided it was safe to come out. This realization didn't stop her from yowling even more - and LOUDER - she turned it up a notch for my "benefit".

My lovely wife called me on my cell phone about this time, so I got up off the floor, and sat down in a chair. She heard the cat through the phone, and asked me "What is WRONG with that cat?"

Nothing.

She was just scared out of her mind.

We figured that Tux had followed me into the shop when I went up there the morning before - and got locked in when I left. She spent at least 32 hours....ALONE.

The first thing she did when she crawled out from under her "safe house", was to come running across the room, and jumping up onto my lap/chest. She was VERY glad to see me! I got the "full" tratment - face rubs, purring wildly, pawing, and even some of those "sandpaper" licks on the cheek. For the rest of the day - and most of the next - I had a constant companion when I was outside.

I guess it was her way of thanking me for saving her furry little life...

Either that, or she was "tasting" me for future reference....

BOLO.....

BE ON THE LOOK OUT......

Grey Tiger-striped Male Cat. Approximately 9 months of age. Scared mindless. Last seen heading full speed across the courthouse lawn toward the local grocery store.
Wanted for assault with a sharp object, and willful destruction of clothing.
Considered armed and dangerous......

I had to go to town a couple of days ago, for an appointment. After chores, I got cleaned up, then headed out to the pickup to get things ready to head on in. It was kind of a cool morning, so I went into the barn and grabbed a jacket that I had in there from the day before.

Meanwhile - I had left the door open on the truck....

About half way to town, I heard an odd noise - sort of a soft moaning sound. I HEARD it, but didn't RECOGNISE it - I just figured it was something on the radio, or a normal "road" noise. It just went in one ear, and right on out the other - and didn't even rattle around as it passed through.

The first thing I had to do, was head up to the bank on the town square.

After stopping at the stop sign, I pulled up and parked next to three other vehicles. Not knowing what the next few, long, minutes would bring, I unsuspectingly opened my door..

That's when it all began - my unknown stowaway decided he had had enough "car ride" for one day, and proceeded to make his great escape. Trouble was - I was between him and the open road....

I'll never know if he MEANT to do it, but it seemed like he did a "Fred Flintstone" dance on my chest for about 20 minutes before he managed to get traction, then made a leap towards the windshield, scrambling his brains against the glass with a huge THUD.

After bouncing off the steering wheel, my chest, and the driver's side door, he finally found freedom, and hit the pavement. He stopped for just a second to collect his bearings, then ran straight toward the courthouse, and the grocery store beyond.

The last I saw of him, he was about 100 yards away, and still moving at full speed, with his tail pointing straight up in the air.

Oh well - I figure I just returned the favor.

Most times, it's those "city folks" who turn a cat loose in the country....

The Cat Must DIE!

I know, I know - I've been telling folks for a LONG time that NOTHING is sacred to a cat - especially those in my barn.

Yesterday was the last straw.

This little gufus decided to pick on the wrong thing - one of my farmall tractor parts.



He was pretty brazen about it, too. I hadn't but BARELY turned my back when I heard him and his "play toy".

There I was, minding my own business, cleaning some small F-12 parts, and then getting them primed up, ready to paint. I usually try to run a piece of baling wire through any available bolt or cotter pin hole in the piece, then hang the part from something overhead. Most of the time, this isn't a problem - the parts are small and they don't hang down to "playing range".

This part was different, though. It is the "spark control rod", and happens to be about 32" long. There is no way to hang it out of reach without hooking it really high on something like the track for the old door I used to have - and THAT is almost too high for me to get to.



To tell the truth, I never even THOUGHT there would be a problem. Them furballs had never bothered things before. It just shows to go you, that felines OBVIOUSLY can't be trusted. I just ran the wire through the cotter pin hole - like I always do - then hung the part to dry - WHERE I always do.

Like I said - I get the thing hung, then start to walk away, when I see Mr. Fuzzball playing Rocky Balboa with it. It was just out of his reach, so he would jump up, swing one arm to swat the rod, jump up again and swat it with the other arm, repeat, repeat, repeat.

He was enjoying his little workout until I ruined it all by yelling "HEY!", and grabbing my wet tractor part (by the wire, of course...) and removing it from his vicinity. It took a bit - I carried that thing around almost long enough for it to dry while I was holding it - but I finally found a place to hang it. The wire was JUST long enough so I could stretch enough to hook it over the old door spring.

Lo and behold, about an hour later - right after I finished painting it RED, I look up and see a different cat, about 4 feet away from it, sitting on a board I have stored in the rafters - eyeing the nice, wet, freshly painted part....

Good thing Sugar (the momma cat) just gave birth to 6 new kittens....

I might need some replacements.....

Lord of the Ring.....

I remember, back in High School, one of the books we were forced to read was "The Lord of the Rings". I managed to get through about 40-50 pages before I couldn't get any further. I told the teacher the next day to give me an "F" or another book, because I was done reading "that garbage".

To my surprise, he gave me a different book....

I'm a big "Science Fiction" fan - give me Star Trek, or anything like that, that holds some SCIENCE behind it - but you can keep the "Dungeons and Dragons" junk.

Besides, yesterday, out in the barn, I found out just who the REAL "Lord" of the "ring" truly is:

I was out there, doing some cleaning and general piddling around, when I hear a pretty good commotion from the milk room. I figure - USUALLY - a commotion means a "photo op", so I grab my handy-dandy point and shot.

Awhile back we somehow managed to "inherit" a box full of canning rings we didn't really need. I had them in storage in the barn. Since NOTHING is sacred, the cats found them. Every once-in-awhile, I find a ring laying out in the middle of the floor where they decided it's "fun" had been used up.

This particular time, I found the too kittens from Missouri laying in a box, still "using" one of those rings.

I guess they thought it was jewelry, but it made the one cat look a little "regal" -



As soon as they saw me watching them, they quit clowning around, and stopped to pose for the camera. Either that, or they knew their fun was over....

I reached over, and removed her necklace and put it back where it belongs. It looks like a pretty tight fit, but it actually came right off.

I figured it was either end it now, or have to pick the thing up off the floor in the morning....

Polar Bear Loose In The Barn!

And the cats don't like it!

It was a miserably hot July around these parts, so our resident "Polar Bear" (YANI), took to disappearing during the daylight hours. Instead of toasting outside in the hot summer sun, she hid in the shade of the barn, or one of the other sheds - only to come out at night to terrorize the world.

Even though it's been nice lately - highs in the mid 70's, lows in the 40's and 50's - Yani has been keeping pretty much inside the barn to sleep during the day.

She works "night crew", so tries to "cat nap" unmolested while she can.

Lately, we've had some extra milk to give Yani and her feline buddies, so she sticks close to her supper dish during the day, too. Unfortunately (for them), the CATS like to stick close to it, too.

I think they are just trying to antagonize Yani, though - I fill a pan for them, too, they just feel the need to bother the Polar Bear's food.

It's funny how it goes down - Cat and Yani play, snuffle noses, and generally clown around together, until Yani gets tired and tries to go lay down behind the tractor in the barn.





Sooner or later, the cat will nonchalantly - almost accidentally - sneak over to the dish, and start stealing milk.

This, of course, will get Yani's attention - even if she is asleep (those cats are noisy eaters). She hears the cat, gets up from her comfy spot, and goes out to threaten her "buddy" with bodily harm if the slurping continues.



After a few seconds the cat gets the message loud and clear, and decides that discretion is the better part of staying alive.



Of course, this "game" goes on 3 or 4 times, until Yani gets REALLY tired of getting up and chasing them off. She figures that the only way to keep them pesky critters out of her food is to either:

(A) Finish the food off
(B) Finish the cats off
or
(C) Face guard the dish.



The cats are thankful she picked "C" and not "B"....

Hairy Houdini....

....and his latest trick.

You MIGHT recall some of his earlier exploits around the barn:

Stupid Fish

And even this one from my wife's blog:

Sure-footed Tom

Well... I ought to take his "show" on the road. Today, he outdid even HIMSELF.

Beside one of the food storage freezers I have in the barn, is a small "table" I use (when it's not infested with cat fur bodies....) to hold the bucket while I get feed out. It also is a good spot to store my gloves and other things, while I dig for food.

This morning, it was a right handy place to toss a towel down to await being used later on.



Who knew that this simple act would cause such an uproar of laughter from me, and "Do'h, He's at it AGAIN", looks from the cows and his feline gene pool - although - they don't claim him.

There I was, going about the morning barn stuff, when Mr Hairy decided to debut his latest crowd pleaser. It happened in slow motion at first - our little "magician" stood on the floor, eyed the table and the towel for a few seconds, then leaped to the top.

Just like the Coyote in those old cartoons, time stood still for 3-4 seconds while he contemplated his next move. Then, slowly, the towel began to slide toward the floor - Magic Man firmly attached to it's fabric. The next thing our hero knew, he was flat on his back on the floor - under the towel, trying to escape it's grasp so he could make a hasty exit from the stage.

After several minutes of applause, laughter and "cat calls", the Mastermind came back into the room and promptly gave an encore performance...

...of the SAME trick....

Now, I don't know for sure - I haven't seen him since - but he's probably off somewhere thinking up something new to wow and amaze his "fans".

At this point, I'd hate to see what he would do with a "Lovely Assistant"

Stupid Fish....

....as in: "Dumb Bass".....

Our Mr Genius, Supercat, is at it again. This time, he just got a little impatient, greedy, and too curious at the same time.

Every morning, I go out to the barn to be greeted by the wanna-be Lions. Sometimes, they meet me halfway across the yard, then race to be on the freezer in the feed room when I come through the door. I can hear them drop the 3-4 feet from the rafters and land on the defenseless freezer lid with a loud bang.

I don't know what is is with these creatures, they expect to eat more then twice a week. Every day, there they are, begging for food, and every morning I cave and give them some.

This endless yeowling and panhandling has GOT to stop....

At any rate, I grab some cat food from one of the freezers, and dump it in their pan.

It always reminds me of the referee at a hockey game tossing the puck into the middle of the face-off - those involved are already moving before the puck hits the ice. It's the same with cat food - they start chewing before it hits their lips.

At this point, I return to the freezer and fill a coffee can of dog food for Yani, and take it to her. After that, I'm ready for the Bovine to step up and be fondled.

Well - lately, my lovely wife has been re-arranging our pantry and getting rid of a few older jars of stuff. She came across about a half dozen jars of deer she canned in 2008. Since I'm not real fond of it, it would probably have sat on the shelf for several more years, had she not decided to get rid of it.

So, we slated it to go out to Yani for her suppers.

Yesterday morning is where Mr Genius stepped in.

I fed the cats their food, then opened the jar and dumped Yani's venison into her pan. As I came back through the feed room, I set the empty jar on top of the freezer away from the cats, then went about my milking.

About halfway into the first cow, I began to hear muffled, high pitched, meowing noises. Me, being deaf in one ear could HEAR them, but not distinguish WHERE they came from. Then, I heard a loud "THUNK".

I KNEW where THAT sound came from!

I looked over at the freezer, and spotted IQ Cat standing on his head - up to his shoulders in the jar. He wasn't STUCK in it, he just was stupid enough to get in, and too stupid to get out.

At this point, he flopped the thing over on it's side, and started thrashing about. He was getting dangerously close to the edge, so I had to act fast before I had glass all over the floor, and a bruised Brainiac.

I got there as quick as I could, then grabbed the jar. There was no way I was going to pull a crazed cat out of a fruit jar with bare hands, so I leaned on the glass with an elbow as I put my gloves back on.

I found out during this, that fruit jars act like a magnifying glass - the cat's eyes were - literally - as big as saucers. It was kind a neat effect, but one the cat (I'm sure) would not like to repeat.

Once gloved up, I successfully extradited the furr ball Mensa-member from his glass trap.

He spit, spat, hissed and howled, then ran off into the other part of the barn -
presumably so the other cats wouldn't think he was the stupid one.

It's a pretty sure bet, though....

They already know.

I Doubt The Other Eight Would Have Made A Difference...

We've gone through a few cats around Hillbilly Hill over the years. Some come in as strays, some come in from family members, and some from friends.

The way they LEAVE also is quite variable.

We've had death by goat-stomping, dog attack, "thwacking", the occasional .22 round, and even stupidity. There have also been some who just plain disappeared.

We lost one batch of cats because they were born in July, and hadn't quite figured out how to survive in winter. The morning I found the first one, frozen stiff, in the middle of the barn floor, I figured it was an isolated incident. Little did I know, that a few days later, I'd find three more of the furry little geniuses curled up in a little frozen ball out in the open - just mere feet away from a stack of nice, warm hay they could have burrowed into.

Of course - burrowing into the hay has it's hazards, too. One winter, I found a "cat-cicle" laying on top of two bales - kind of across the gap between them. Unfortunately, that poor sod froze to death while blocking the escape of the two "smarter" kitties who had burrowed beneath it. By the time I found them, it was done too late...

We've even had attempted lynchings. Several of our kittens ganged up on one of their siblings, and tried to hang her. It was only shear luck that I ran across the gang during the commission of the crime, and saved the poor girl. Here is the story from a past entry: Kitty Mafia

Granted, what I'm about to write has nothing whatsoever to do with the Mob (I think they've long since moved on...), but it has everything to do with stupidity.

One of the kittens we brought home this last fall wasn't thinking too straight. I noticed something wrong when I broke out the food that morning - we were one cat short at the feed pan. I took note of it, but there ain't a whole lot to be done about a missing cat, so I continued on about my business.

It was only after the goats had been fed, and the cows had been milked that I headed to the cow pen in the barn to clean out the "over night muck" the bovine seem so glad to make, that I found the body...

There it lay, in the middle of the cow pen - flatter than the proverbial one-sided pancake. The thing about a cow is, while they might be nice and toasty warm, they also weigh a TAD bit more than a cat. If you're gonna snuggle up to one, be sure you sleep with one eye open so you can dart the instant you feel it move.

I remember when my mom owned a bakery in our town. She had a nice 6" rolling pin that was about 20" long (I still have it in my attic...) that she used to roll out doughnut dough. I can still hear that dough "pop" and "smack" as it flattened out.

One only imagines what the cat heard when the cows played "rolling pin" on her. It is most assured, though, that the feline had the life steam rolled out of her that night - and the offending cow probably didn't hear a thing, nor even notice what had transpired.

The poor kitty looked like it had been run through one of those wringers from an antique washing machine. I suspect that every bone in it's body was broken in at least three places.

One thing IS certain, though, even if the cat had cashed in the other eight lives, it wouldn't have made a difference.

When a cow presses your shirt, you want to make sure you're not still in it....

Dead Cat Walking..........

Have I ever mentioned that cats are evil creatures, bent on world domination? They've done some nasty, vile stuff before, but THIS takes the cake:



If you look close, you will see some "spots" on the surface of my nice, freshly painted, 1937 Farmall F-20 Bell Housing. These spots look suspiciously like CAT PRINTS.

I have a John Deere fan loose in the barn!

(Ok, maybe a CAT fan....)

Whoever it was, I better not find out - I'll spray paint THEM red! Maybe I'll just shave an IH logo on their back (maybe both....). I know one thing - they sure are lucky they waited until the paint was dry. I can wipe these paw prints off, if it had been wet, they'd been IN the paint, instead of ON it.

It would have made finding the culprit easier, though, I could have looked for red feet....

As it is now, I might have to call in the cops to take "finger" prints, and track the perp down. Only thing is - jail is too good for THIS criminal. Another bad thing is, these little varmints are good at acting innocent. Not FIVE minutes after I find the crime, every one of the little *#@^+* so-and-so's is lined up by the cow, expecting fresh milk!

Not one SHRED of remorse in the lot!

Well, I can tell you this - NONE of them got milk on THIS particular morning......

....and it's gonna be a LONG while before I forget enough to give them any.

'Twas A Dark Stormy Morning.....

We had to be in the Big City early one morning this past week, so that meant I'd be out in the barn earlier then most days. The sun wasn't even THINKING of being up yet...

....and neither were the cows....

Normally, when they hear the screen door to the barn slap shut, everyone in, around, and in earshot of the building, goes off like they're starving -

Three, two month old triplet goats scream for their bottles -
Two "momma" cows want their grain -
One lonely steer calf wants his momma -
Three Momma Goats want breakfast - Kittens yowling -
And that's just in the barn.

Well - I guess I got everyone on a bad day. I opened the barn door, stepped inside and turned on the lights. I expected the cats to scurry like big fuzzy roaches, and the three orphan goats to start howling for their bottle. Instead, I got SILENCE.

Nothing - not even a PEEP from ANYBODY.

Oh well, I figured that they'd be starting pretty soon, so I grabbed a couple buckets and got food for the Goats across the driveway and for Yani. I also scooped up some cat food and dumped it into the pan I have for them. I had already gotten dog food, and was in the process of filling the bucket for the goats when I heard odd crunching sounds behind me. I turned to see 3 of the cats with their heads stuffed into the dog food bucket, munching away. - and totally ignoring THEIR food, not 6" away.

So I grab the dog food, and the 3 cats go scurrying away into the night.

It's still dark, so I grab a flash light and trudge across the yard to feed Yani and her goats the food I just dug out for them. I always feed Yani first, because I have one goat that always tries to eat the dog food. I figure that Yani can eat (almost) fast enough to finish hers before the goats get done and the dog food-eater can get back to her dish.

On this particular morning, I dump Yani's food in the dish, then head off to fill the tray for the goats, and Scout (the dogwood eater) follows right behind me. As I finish dumping the food, the rest of the goats wake up enough to come eat. I shine my flashlight down the row of munching goats to count them and see if there are any visible problems. To my surprise, I'm missing a - oddly enough - BLACK goat, and in her place, is a fuzzy white "goat" named Yani, chowing down on goat food.

This she NEVER (until now) does. She's sniffed it before, but ALWAYS turned up her nose at it. Then there was the matter of the missing goat, so I headed off to look for her. As I shone my light down the fence row, a set of beadie eyes suddenly "popped" up into view. I couldn't believe it - the missing goat was munching YANI'S food!

Another she "NEVER" does that.....

I got everyone sorted out, and eating their OWN food, then headed back to the barn to take care of things there.

The cats were still nowhere to be seen, but I figured they'd show up when they found out I was milking the cow. Stew, the calf, was still ASLEEP, when I shone my light on him. I think he was even snoring.

After being rousted, both cows made their way into the barn - and promptly lay down. I got Mabel to her feet again, and headed off to the stanchion. As I was dumping her feed in, and latching the head stall, I heard another odd slurping, then a crunching sound behind me. Turning, I saw Daisy Mae, with her face in the cat food, emptying the pan. She DID NOT want to stop, either - I had to grab the pan and TAKE it from her.

Other than the missing cats, milking went on from there in an uneventful manner. I got the milk, filled the bottles for the Three Monsters, then let Daisy loose. Normally, everyone has to put up with the Monster's yelling and carrying on until they get a bottle shoved in their faces. On this day, I had to go FIND the little fur balls. One was easy enough - she's half white - the other two are almost all black, and hard to spot in the morning darkness.

They even slept through my calls of "Are you HUNGRY?", and "Come on Ladies, it's breakfast time". FINALLY, they woke up enough to WALK in and get fed. Usually they scramble around, circle in between my legs, and fight for the food. That morning, they calmly wove their way to the milk stand and waited patiently for the milk.

It was AMAZING! It would almost be worth getting up a 4:00 am EVERY day.....

NOT.

So - to sum it all up, I had -

Cats eating dog food,
Dog's eating Goat food,
Goats eating dog food,
Cows eating cat food,
A calf who missed breakfast entirely,
Sleepy goat orphans who slept through the breakfast they ate,
and cows too sleepy to put up a fight on the stand.

The worst part of it was - I had a "fasting Lab" that morning, so starved to death while I was feeding everyone else....

Fred Flintstone's Thumb

Like I've said before, there is a standing, unwritten, law in the barn:

"No cats allowed on the milk stand while said stand is being occupied by a cow or goat"

This has several reasons. Two of the most important are the safety of the cat, the other is the safety of the milker. Too many times to count, I've seen an accidental brush with a feline tail, or a rub on the cow's leg, result in a mashed kitty or a spilled bucket.

I've even had MY foot stepped on - and THAT'S probable cause for BBQ.....

So - in order to prevent these and other things from occurring, I enforce the rule. The first time it happens, I pick up the cat and gently toss it off the platform. When it hops back on (and it ALWAYS does...), I toss it a little further - increasing the distance according to the number of infractions. It's never very far - just enough to (MAYBE) sink it into their furry little minds that the milk stand is not a good place to be when it's occupied.

This is where they get "smart". They attack in pairs by zooming across the stand just out of reach, or they sneak on from behind me. I still catch them, but I have to be quick.

Some of the cats have been around long enough to know about it - and stay out of the way. The new kittens we brought home a couple weeks ago are still learning - there have been at least TWO "brushes with death" that I can think of.

One lasted only 5-6 seconds. The kitten was too close to Daisy's leg when the cow shifted her foot. It caught the kitten by the tail.

It was OBVIOUSLY not pleasing for the kitten - and hard on everyone else's ear drums.
It lasted long enough for me to reach under the cow to tap her leg so she'd move. Instead of reshuffling the cow - all I got for my effort was a scratch on the finger from the cat because I was in range and - naturally - everything was MY fault.

That was last Monday. I figured that the kitten had learned a good lesson, because she dove out of the room as fast as her short little furry legs would move, once Daisy moved her foot.

Apparently, kittens have short memories....

Last Friday I was smoothly humming along with the morning milk. Mabel was on the stand, and the cats were milling about. All of a sudden, we all (and people six counties away) hear a high pitched, blood curdling scream. Well - ok, Mabel turned a deaf ear....She stood there, unmoved and unmoving, for about 3 minutes with this poor kitten's hand under her shoe.

My first instinct was to reach under the cow to tap her leg so she'd shift her foot. Since I DON'T have a short memory, I pulled my hand back before it got within claw range. I did manage to tap Mabel's leg just out of reach of the cat, but it did no good - the feline was stuck for the duration.

All the "cat-erwalling" and wailing started the goats to hollering, and brought all the other cats out of hiding to stand around the victim, taking bets on how long she'd last.

Cats are evil creatures.....

Here was this poor, "innocent" kitty, with her hand being flattened by a 900 pound monster, and all her friends could do was stand around and gawk.

I just stood there and marveled....

Anyway, after what seemed hours, Mabel FINALLY moved her foot and let the mashee victim loose. It was probably a good thing she hadn't waited much longer - the kitten was running out of air. She immediately zipped off to parts unknown to nurse her wounds. I had visions of her sitting there, in the shadows, holding her hand and watching her thumb pulse like Fred Flintstone's did in those old cartoons.

"FOOM FOOM FOOM FOOM....."

I've noticed that that particular kitten is WAY more careful about being around cows now, and she seems no worse for wear....

Except for that clown shoe she has to wear on just the one foot...

Hate, Discontent, and Riots

There comes a time in every young dairy calf's life where they start spending nights away from momma. This is so the evil Hillbilly farmer can steal their breakfast. It makes baby hungry and mad, it makes mom angry and mad, and make the Hillbilly farmer have to put up with all kinds of bellering and rioting in the barn.

But hey, the cheese, cream, and yogurt is good!

Last night was the night for poor old (young) Stew. He was forced to watch his mom from the wrong side of the fence, and not be able to do anything about it but cry for a snack. Mom (Daisy), for her part, did her share of voicing her disapproval at the new "sleeping" arrangements.

Then, you add in the goats to the mix. I doubt ANYONE slept much last night - I heard the bellering from the house at 2:00 am! People were DEFINITELY cranky this morning!

The goats were in the far corner of the pen, trying to stay as far away from that noisy calf as they could. Even the Three Monsters were in hiding - I only rousted them when they realized it was time for breakfast. That's when the fun began.

Three Monsters hollering at the side door, momma cow hollering at the back door, calf hollering behind the barn, cats hollering under foot, momma goats hollering out in the paddock for THEIR food, and Yani barking at....well, just barking (she'd already been fed). I could even hear Chuck and Belle answering Daisy in the distance.

About the only ones who WEREN'T hollering were the goats across the driveway - but only because they were stuffing their pointy little faces with apples I had tossed over the fence - otherwise, they'd have been in on it, too.

Mabel was the lone good critter. She calmly went about her business in order to get out and graze. After all, it wasn't HER rug rat who was starving to death....

I finally stole about as much of Stew's food as I could - I left him the two back quarters to finish out (and a bit of the front ones because I ran out of "bucket space"...), so I let Daisy loose to go rescue her child. She zipped past me, out the door, and ran to where Stew was (he had since moved to the side of the barn, and they were talking through the wall at each other). I actually had to grab Stew by the halter and shove him toward the open gate. Once he FOUND the gate though, he had ZERO problems running through to mom's awaiting teats.

I finished up inside, milked Mabel, fed the monsters, fed the kittens, and got outta dodge. The only mishap of the morning was a kitten's tail got flattened by Daisy. It was a total accident, but the cat bugged out REAL quick and has (hopefully) learned a valuable lesson.

Speaking of cats ---

I guess what they say about them having "nine lives" is correct - or at least SEEMS to be.

Last year, we had a stray black cat "adopt" us. She ended up having 3 kittens - two survived. Well - to make a long story short - we started loosing chicks, and adult chickens. Some can be attributed to bold coyotes (one came with 15' of the house the other day, and grabbed a chicken), but I saw this black cat grab a small hen and run off with it.

It would have to go.

Now, life on the farm also includes things other people don't like to think about - getting rid of animals that are detrimental to the others on the farm. Last Thursday was one of those times.

I captured the offending cat, grabbed my pistol, then took her out to the "back forty" to "do the deed". It's not a job I LIKE, but it needed done.

All was well again - sort of.

Saturday afternoon, I go out to the barn and see the black cat playing with her two kittens! I just figured I was seeing things, or got a bad taco or something and it was affecting my eyesight.

Then, Sunday evening, Deb hollers and points out the window at a black cat walking across the yard toward the barn. Mass hallucination can't be blamed on bad tacos....
The cat was BACK.

I went outside and she let me come up to her and pet her. Nope, no bullet holes.

I know for a FACT that I DID NOT MISS from 3" away - and the thing was dead when I left it.

Now, she looks at me with those yellow eyes and I'm not sure weather to trust her or not. I've heard stories about cats hopping on your chest while you sleep and stealing your breath...

Cats are inherently evil, anyway. No telling what THIS cat is capable of now.

I'm just gonna sleep with one eye open for awhile.....

Just in case...

Rules Are Made To Be Broken....

Apparently.....

I have always had and "unwritten" rule in the barn -

"There will be NO cats, on, or near the milk stand while the goat or cow is on said stand..."

While not a written law, all people of the Feline persuasion have been well indoctrinated in this law, and the consequences of not obeying it. There have been pummeling, flights on "Air Kitty", stick pokes, swats, glove hits, etc, etc. Everything short of concrete shoes has been considered.

This morning, I was running a little behind with the feeding schedule because I heard one of the goat Does sounding "funny", so I went to investigate. The first sight of her was of a "messy" tail, so I looked around for babies.

My first search came up with a small, all white baby boy, huddled in a stall corner, still wet from birth. I looked around inside the barn, but didn't come up with another one, so I picked him up, and took him into the house for a dry-off and so Deb could "inspect" him.

What we found is that he is already spoiled - Deb started to rub his head, and almost put him to sleep.



Normally, they kick and scream for mom to save them from the two legged monsters. This little guy STARTED to do that - until his head was being rubbed. He settled right down and enjoyed it WAY too much.

Meanwhile, I was running even further behind, now, so the little guy's visit to the house was cut short, and I headed back to the barn to finish.

I fed the cats, fed the two calves, the rest of the goats, and did my morning routine with getting Daisy comfortable while being handled on the milk stand.

Then, it was Mable's turn. She was being obstinate this morning because I let "That COW!" (Daisy) in for breakfast first.

Mabel gets that way when she doesn't get first dibs at the food....

Anyhoo - I do the first round of milking Mabel, then let her think about things for a bit - and let down a little more milk - while I go feed the chickens. I usually come back in the same door I went out, but this morning, I made a big circle around the barn to see if another baby could be found, so I came back inside the BACK door of the barn.

As I came trough, I couldn't believe my eyes, and scrambled to get my camera ready. There, while a cow was on the milk stand, was a BLATANT disregard for the rules -



Evidently, as soon as I go out the door, SOMEBODY hops up on the cow and watches for me through the window. I have wondered a few times, just what was going on, when I opened the door, and find the cat scurrying out of the room. I guess I now know.

It's also nice to know that Mabel is an accomplice.

At any rate, I finished milking without incident, but I did notice the cat was nowhere in sight. She only returned when she heard Deb come into the barn.

We did find another baby, though, He was hiding in almost the same spot where I found the other one, but had crawled into a barrel I had modified for use as a "Kid Can". Even without the light on, he evidently found it appealing.

I hate it when that happens - search a place 3-4 times, then find out whatever you were looking for was right there, looking at you, all along.

Both are now back with mom.

I just hope that evil cat doesn't corrupt them to much....

Rain.....

Since it is finally Spring, I have been wanting to do some fencing. Well - maybe not WANTING, but more NEEDING to. I have a run of about 500' and 4 gates to do, before I can let cows out into a new pasture.

I hope to have it done about the time the grass is nice and tasty.

I have most of the posts put in except for a few wooden ones that I have to drill the holes for. This time of year, they drill pretty quickly, using the PHD (Post Hole Digger) on my tractor. Later on, the ground gets pretty hard, and it gets tough to drill - sorta like concrete.

I've found that a good set of auger teeth helps IMMENSELY....

Yesterday afternoon, I managed to get everything finished up so I could actually start adding wire on about 350' of it.

Then, it started to rain.

Not TONS of rain, but just enough to make things annoying. Besides, I'm sugar and I WILL melt.

Today, it was "misting" most of the day, with a few scattered rain showers mixed in. I decided to do a few things in the barn to keep from melting.

One of the things did was to use a funnel I found, a metal downspout, and an elbow for the downspout, to unload corn from a wagon into a couple of barrels. It was the perfect setup - I tied it to the wagon so it wouldn't move, then kept filling the funnel with a small bucket - gravity did the rest.

It worked wonderfully - until the crazy cat decided it was just TOO interesting to ignore. She jumped into the barrel, then worked her way up the spout, "chasing" the corn rattling inside. When she couldn't catch any, she came to the top to "help" dump the corn. After being shooed away from that operation, she chased the moving corn around the inside of the wagon, and generally made a nuisance of herself.

At least she wasn't riding the cab of the truck again....

Yesterday, I had to go to a neighbor's to use his "chop saw" to cut braces for the fence. I was zipping down the road at about 40, when I heard the most disturbing screeching noises coming from the roof of the cab. You know, the same sound a tree branch makes as it scratches down the side of your pickup....

Unfortunately, I was out on the open road - not a tree within yards of the truck.

About 3 seconds after the sound started, I look out my rear-view mirror and see a cat dangling from the plastic trim around the rear window. She hung there for the 5-6 seconds it took me to slow down to a cat-manageable speed, then dropped into the bed.

My mind's eye could see her, crouching against the wind, on top of the truck, thinking like Rocky Balboa - "Ain't so bad, ain't...so..bad, AIN'T.....SO.....BAD..."
Then sliding with the air pressure, all the while, scrambling to find a finger hold (imagine Tom Cruise in MI:1, only with fur).

That crazy fur ball is going to drive me nuts. These are some of the scratch marks she left on her little "joy" ride:



Oh well, I'm sure she annoys everyone else in the barn, too. The goats wanted to get outside this afternoon - probably just wanting to escape the cat - but are even more susceptible to melting then I am. All they could do was stare out the door, and hope the rain stopped before they starved.



They got their wish - about 4:00, the clouds finally went on to the east, the sun came out, and the cat settled down.

All is peaceful again.

Strange Bedfellows

That crazy cat is at "it" again!

I've seen some dastardly things coming from her in the past, but THIS takes the cake! Evidently, her plans for 'world domination' are still thriving - and doing rather well. Maybe she thinks this is just the first step of many.

Shadow, for his part, is pretty young and impressionable. He's like a college kid - free to romp around and "feel his oats", but doesn't know a whole lot about how things work, especially when cats are involved.

She's working on him HARD to come over to the Dark Side. Having a head full of mush, he is ripe for the picking.

Ever seen the movie "The Graduate"?

Think of the cat as Mrs. Robinson.....

Tractor Buddy is corrupting my dog.

Here is what I found this morning as I pulled the pickup into the driveway to the barn:



I took this through the windshield in case they took off before I could get a good shot. Trust me, though, they were pretty brazen about things, and gave me PLENTY of opportunity to photograph their affair.

Even AFTER they knew they were being photographed, they continued in their brazenness:



It was only when Pest arrived that Shadow disappeared in a flash:



Tractor Buddy tried to act innocent, but her guilt shone through. Pest was SURE that DOG was in the area.



Once again, nothing could be PROVEN.

Although, I'm of a mind to make sure Pest and the other cat secretly get ahold of these incriminating photos....

Near Death Experience

There was no "blinding white light", no singing of Angels, no nothing - at least as far as I'M concerned.

I wasn't the one who had the experience, though, it was Pest, the Cat.

In one of the rooms in my barn, I have a couple of old freezers that I use to store bagged food in. Cat food, dog food, cow food, goat food - it's all in there, waiting for hungry critters to devour.

Each freezer is 48" long, 30" wide, and 42" tall, and are really not that old. They were given to me by a cousin a couple years ago. They are the "energy efficient" models, so the "body" isn't that thick, which allows for more room on the inside. Neither works, but they come in handy for what I need them for.

I have them set up in my "Feed Room" so that they face each other, with a gap of about 40" between them.

It was this gap that, ultimately, nearly did in the cat.

My morning routine varies slightly from day to day, but it is pretty much the same thing, day after day. Feed the critters, milk the cow, etc, etc, etc. When I am done with everyone's breakfast, I put all of the buckets on one freezer to await the next round.

Usually, the last thing I do is feed the feather bunch, return the empty bucket to the barn, grab the milk bucket from the hook, and head for the house.

NOTE - I hang the bucket of milk from a hook in the ceiling to keep "inquiring minds" from investigating.....

When I feed the fowls, I use a particular bucket - and old galvanized metal one, complete with brazed holes in the bottom. It holds the right amount of food, and feels "farmish" when I use it, not like the modern plastic buckets.

At any rate, I fed the vultures, escaped with my life, and headed toward the barn to take the bucket back.

I guess the timing was "PURR-fect" today. Pest had launched herself from one freezer toward a hopeful soft landing on the other one, just as I reached around the corner of the doorway to the feed room with the bucket in my hand, and set it down on the nearest freezer.

Just as the bucket touched down, and before my fingers began to let loose of the handle, I heard a loud "CLANG".....

I turned my head just in time to see our genius yellow Tabby cat, slide down the imaginary cliff face, and hit the floor. It happened EXACTLY like you see in the cartoons. Everything stops for a second or two, then time resumes with the victim heading toward the ground.

The cat hit the floor with a thud (she DID land on her feet, though...), stood there for a few seconds, then shook herself off and calmly walked out of the room.

One minute she's soaring through the air, free as a bird, then, in an instant, somebody sticks a bucket in her flight path, and she has a midair "crash and burn" collision.

Maybe it wasn't a "near death" experience, I don't know. It could be that our Pest only has 8 lives left. Only time will tell. We DO know she has impeccable timing.

I'm not sure how the cat FELT afterwards but - one thing is for sure.....

She looked a little "pail".

The Great Escape

Being my birthday and all, I'd expect nothing less of the Barn Bunch.....

First of all, I have to say that it's hard to blame this on the cats, but I still think they had something to do with it - cats are NEVER innocent.

I journeyed out to do chores this morning, same as usual, I was running a BIT late, but nothing horrendous. The first thing I decided to do was to go check in on Yani and the puppies. As soon as I opened the door, Yani jumped up and came over to meet me.

I knelt down in the hay and started to rub her side. I was actually surprised when she nuzzled in closer to me, put her face up next to mine, and closed her eyes. She even sat down to enjoy her rub. It must have felt pretty good - I could have probably put her to sleep if I had kept going much longer. As it was, I had to take care of other things.

I left the "dog pound" and decided to get everyone else fed before I milked, instead of the other way around, so I filled buckets and doled them out.

Everyone was happy - everyone, that is, except - the COWS....

I had noticed Belle and Chuck "Horsing" around one of the trees in their paddock on my way to the barn.

Wait - can COWS actually HORSE around? Hmmmmmm....

Anyway - the fun stopped abruptly when they saw (or HEARD in Chuck's case...) me coming across the yard. They immediately headed for the food pan (Chuck) and the barn door (Belle) to wait for breakfast. Mabel was already at her station by the door, waiting for it to open.

I guess the wait was NOT amusing to them....

I could hear Mabel snuffling and snorting through the door, her patience growing thinner by the minute. When I DID finish with everyone else, and opened her door, she practically ran me over to get to the stanchion - Belle close behind.

By this time, the goats were fed and happily munching on hay. I think there were even some scoffs and tongue spitting when they saw the cows come in - sort of a goat version of "NA NA NAA NA NAA NA....".

One of our LGD's has taken to hopping the fence and sleeping (when he sleeps) in the driveway at night. I went out the other morning after a heavy frost, and found him curled up in the middle of the drive. He got up, and left a dog shaped, frost-free, spot on the ground. I figured he had been there awhile.... He follows me into the barn for morning vittles, though.

This morning, he was in with the cows. At first, I thought he was chasing them around, so I was about to make sure he knew not to. I was fixin' to yell when I realized he wasn't running THEM - THEY were running HIM! The two cows were playing and he was caught in the middle. He almost got kicked on several occasions. He finally decided that watching from the sidelines was far better than a concussion, so he sat down to view the show.

Like I said, he eats in the barn, so here they are - Mabel, headed for the stanchion, Belle headed for her pan, and Bozo.....er ...Shadow trooping in at their heels. Everyone happily chowed down on the morning fare. I did a "round one" milking of Mabel, then headed out to put a hay bale in the cow's feeder, before coming back to finish milking. I was gone for MAYBE 2-3 minutes. When I got back, the outside door to the milk room was open - and Belle was GONE.

I peered out the door and soon found Belle - molesting the small feeder that I used for the chickens. I felt Shadow brush against me so I looked down to see what he was up too. The look on his face said it all - he spotted Belle, did a double-take (complete with head turned to the side...), and couldn't believe what his eyes told him - Belle was OUT!

He shook his head, then nonchalantly walked out the door, and in the OPPOSITE direction as Belle. Just when he had me believing he hadn't earned his breakfast, he did a remarkable thing. When he knew he was out of Belle's sight, he turned, headed up the driveway - and FLANKED her!

He came out of no where behind her and came up so fast that I don't think Belle even knew what she was running from! All she knew was that her life had passed before her eyes and to head for the hills. In this case, the hills being the open barn door that lead her back inside.

I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I was standing in the path of a 400# calf with a monster on her tail....

As luck would have it, I managed to slide out of the way, just as the charging Rhino zipped through the milk room. Thank God I could get behind Mabel, or I'd have been mush.

I stuck my head out of my hole just in time to catch a glimpse of Belle's long tail as she cut around the corner of the haystack, and out of the back door. It took a bit for me to get to the door, but she was still running with her tail in the wind - she was a good 150 yards from the barn before she slowed down. She apparently wasn't aware that the "monster" had quit chasing her before she even ENTERED the barn.

Maybe a name change is in order - instead of "Belle", how about "Greased Lightning", "Flash" or even "Chicken"?

I turned back to finish my milking, and met Shadow about halfway back to the milk room. He came up to me, sat down and looked up to say "Yeah, I got her....where's my bone?

Through all of this, the cats just sat on their perch and watched - they even seemed to think it was funny when Belle streaked through.

It DOES have me wondering, though.....

Just WHO opened the door?

Black Ops....

Once upon a time, it the land of Hillbilly Hills Farm, There lived a "Fairly" Princess Cat:



She lived a life of enchantment - mostly because she thought the world was hers to rule. She enjoyed being the only Fairly Princess Cat of the barn for quite some time. Then - the KITTENS came along.

Not HER kittens, mind you, but kittens, never the less.

She even nurtured them and kept them warm when their real moms were away, all the while plotting their demise.....

While not being sure, we can only assume that this Fairly Princess Cat had a large paw in taking the newly exploring kittens out into the world to meet their untimely end at the hands....er....paws of the LGD (LGD - a sort of undercover agency similar to the KGB...).

I don't fault the dog, however, he was young and impressionable. He just got in with the wrong crowd:



It was the fault of the cat - who wants nothing less then "World Domination", and a bowl of warm milk.

She carefully crafted her plan, and enlisted help from far and wide to reach her goal (ok, the far side of a wide barn.....). Enter - The Court Pester:



Together, with her LGD operative (code name The Shadow....), Pester tried to enlist the help of the local COW members (Critters Of the World).

Seen here is The Shadow meeting with Mabel, a prominent member of COW, and her understudy, known only as "Chuck" (he has at least ONE alias, though - "Stevie Wonder")
Notice the coy looks when they realized they might be under surveillance:



While the outcome of the meeting is unclear, we DO know that a later meeting between Mabel and The Pester took place:



Meanwhile, unknown to the Fairly Princess, the LGD, and The Court Pester, Mabel was secretly an undercover agent (Special Operative 5970). Word began to filter out that something was about to happen to "spoil the Cat's breakfast", as Special Operative Belle, put it: "We knew they wouldn't like it, but that's just too darn bad".

Special Operative 124 Belle:



It all came to a head a few days ago, this much has been declassified - Mabel was to enter the barn as normal and proceed directly to the Milk Stanchion. Meanwhile, S.O. Belle would distract Chuck, and The Shadow was....

Well, that part of the mission is still classified....

Here was the crucial part. Timing had to be "spot on" or the whole thing would be for naught.

First the "bait" was laid down. This consisted of a rather large pool of "spilled" milk. Once the cats - The Pester and the Fairly Princess - were lured in - thinking that their prayers of a free breakfast were coming true - the trap would be sprung.

It was up to Mabel to set off a "bomb"....

This part of the plan went off without a hitch, the second part required intricate timing. Since the operation did not want to create a massive amount of collateral damage - Mabel set off the "sprinkler system" 5 seconds after her bomb was dropped.

This resulted in a massive "washing" of the area - and a "dilution" of the milk - thus effectively ruining their breakfast. All The Court Pester could do was watch in utter (udder?) disgust, as all that wonderful milk was being washed away:



While the operation did not DIRECTLY involve the Fairly Princess Cat, we do know that she was watching from a nearby, undisclosed, location. This surveillance photo of her shock and horror was smuggled out at great cost:



Her plans of World Domination are now back on hold, but she vows to never give up her dream - and to return for vengeance.

For their part, Special Operatives, Mable and Belle were given one of the highest honors of their sevice the "Order of The Hay".



To this day, they are still keeping a watchfull eye on the happenings in the Barn, waiting for The Fairly Princess to strike once more.....