I Can't Take Her Nowhere...

I don't really know WHEN it started, but I imagine it began right about the 12th of October, back in 1991 - our Wedding Day....Actually, the day after:

We were in a fancy restaurant in Kansas City, Missouri. The lights were subdued, the table was toward the back, and the food was excellent. My wife got up to "powder her nose"(so to speak....). When she returned to the table, her skirt grabbed the tablecloth as she sat down.

Ever see one of those "magic tricks" where the guy rips the table cloth right out from under the food and dishes? Well THAT'S what happened that night, only she stopped about half way. A few other couples saw her and one even clapped.

It's been "down hill" ever since.

If it wasn't getting into trouble playing miniature golf, or bowling, then it was the time we got into trouble laughing hysterically at a funeral. Oh, there were other times, to be sure. Too many to even remember - the INCIDENT might be gone, but the embarrassment lingers.

Don't even ASK about the Halloween decoration incident. Suffice it to say that she tried to walk off with half the decorations from a desk attached to her skirt...

I can't even go sneaking up on a flock of geese in the neighbor's field without my lovely wife embarrassing me!

Well, it happened AGAIN today.

Over the past month and a half, we have witnessed Peaches get bigger, stronger, more playful, and able to tear up her toys quicker than we can replace them. Her favorite toy has been a 6" "tennis ball" that has - now - seen better days. She has managed to strip all of the fuzz off of it, to the point where she can no longer pick it up.



She still loves to play with it, but it makes it kind of hard when she can't carry it. She'll run it to death around the house, until it gets "stuck" under a piece of furniture, or in a corner. Then, she barks until one of us is suckered into retrieving it for her so she can start all over again.

Today was the last straw. We were going to the Big City to go shopping, so we decided that that old, naked, ball was on the way out - IF we could find a suitable replacement. So, off we go to a "name-brand, nationwide, big box, pet supply store". I ain't saying WHICH store, but you need to be "smart" to shop there.

Well, as it turns out, my wife can embarrass herself in just about ANY store, so a pet supply store shouldn't be - and wasn't - any different.

Now, here is where it gets "cloudy" - so don't quote me "word-for-word" on it but this is how I remember it:

After rummaging through the shelves, bins, and end caps, she (my wife) couldn't find the proper replacement for the naked ball. Realizing that it was probably the OTHER "name-brand, nationwide, big box, pet supply store", we made our way to the exit. Just as we were getting to the door, the (we assume) manager - a guy - stepped up to my wife and asked if we "found everything ok".

Never to miss an opportunity - instead of saying something like "We're just looking", or "We're bringing the dog, next time", or even "No, we're going to the OTHER place", my lovely wife pipes up and says:

"You don't have very good big fuzzy balls..."

Like I said, I MIGHT be wrong about the EXACT wording, but it was close enough to get a funny look from the manager.

Afterwards, we made a hasty exit, and my bride BARELY got outside before having a heart attack and launching into a fit of laughter.

I tell you, it's getting darn near IMPOSSIBLE to take her ANYWHERE! She usually says something like "Open mouth, insert foot", after these incidents, and I add: "...and leg, hip, etc, etc...."

It makes for an interesting trip.

Everywhere we go....