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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Lord Of The Flies...

This past summer and fall were hot, dry, and full of bugs. First, we had Lady Bugs - or those Chinese Beetles that LOOK like Lady bugs. Then came those Democrats (some of you might know them as "Box Elder Bugs"). All through these were....

The Flies.....

We had them pesky things by the Bazillions around here. They'd make their way inside through God knows where, then hang out in the windows because they were too stupid to find the way back out the way they came in.

They were ANNOYING, but not really news-worthy. They came and went, died horrible deaths, and escaped when we opened the window screens or doors. Rarely were they a bother, but STILL - you don't want flies in your house if you can help it.

Well, one night, my lovely wife went down stairs to get something out of the freezer for supper. This was about 5:30 pm. She made her way back up the steps, continued on with supper, and we ate a great feast as usual. It wasn't until later we would learn the awful truth about her trip down stairs....

It was an uneventful, normal, evening, supper, maybe a movie on DVD, and some computer time. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until we decided it was time for bed.

We got everything done up stairs, and headed down to our bedroom. THAT'S when we realized something was amiss. We opened the stairway door, and my wife exclaimed "WHAT IS THAT SMELL....?"

I'm not usually the one to ask that question, as my nose is just about shot, and I RARELY smell what she smells, but this time, it hit me in the honker like a brick - a NASTY, burnt smell coming from somewhere down stairs.

Well, we went to work, and tried to "sniff" out the source. We checked the usual suspects, and took a good inhale of every nook, crannie, corner, and crib, and narrowed it down to the room directly at the foot of the steps. Since all of the freezers and a couple of fridges are right there, I took a good sniff behind each one.

Nope, nothing, nada, zilch, nothing to do with these machines was producing the nasty odor we were experiencing. As we stood there, pondering in our baffledness, my nose gravitated upwards to the ceiling....

I asked Deb for a rag, and proceeded to remove the globe from the ceiling light......

What we found inside defied imagination, logic, and queasy stomachs. The globe was almost ENTIRELY FILLED with little bodies of FLIES.

When my wife had gone down to get something out of the freezer at 5:30 (ish), she had left the light on. Those little fly bodies were now perfectly ROASTED, and smelled like.......well, they smelled pretty bad.

I got a stick, scooped out the bodies, and dumped them in the snow outside the door. Then, we left the door open a few minutes to "clear the air". After awhile, we could even go to bed without a clothes pin on our nose!

The next morning, I finished chores early, and we left for the Big City to shop. I noticed that the pile of Roasted Flies was still intact by the door. I figured I'd just scoop them up when I got home, and toss them out in the driveway. Well I never got the chance - when we got home, my nice pile of flies was GONE.

I knew what happened right away, as the Thundering Herd of feather dusters came rumbling down the hill toward me.

Please, Sir....

They all had that "Please, Sir, I want some more......", look on their faces.

Maybe I should have set out some BBQ sauce for them to dip them in. Either way, I think we have addicted our chickens to Roasted Flies.

If you want the recipe, send a self addressed, stamped envelope, and $10.

If only......


  1. I don't suppose you'll be making one of those maggot buckets for the biddies now, would ya? I bet they like the young flies better.

  2. Oh, I dunno - I have been thinking about doing one next summer!