It's a STAM-PEEDY!

I'm not very "fleet of foot" these days. Every once-in-awhile, I even have the chance to prove it.

Most generally, it involves a goat trying to tangle me up to get whatever I have in my hands. It matters not to the goat, if said object is even edible, it's striving to FIND OUT if it is.

No amount of explaining will deter the beast, either, it HAS to find out for itself.
Occasionally, I get charged by a racing dog. Usually, it's a quick game of "chicken" and the dog flinches first. Not that I'm so intimidating, mind you - the dog flinches first because I CAN'T. I tell my legs to move, but they just tell me "nope, the mutt's gonna flinch".

This works on dogs, chickens, cats, etc. I USED to dodge chickens and cats, too - now I just meet them head-on. I figure that THEY are more agile then I am, so THEY can get out of MY way.

Bovine are a whole 'nuther story. Ever seen one of those old Westerns where the poor old cowpuncher gets tap danced on by the raging herd? It's not a pretty sight, and it ALWAYS ends badly for the cowhand.

I ain't no Gene Autry, or Roy Rogers, but I know that being on the "target" end of a cow running at full tilt ain't where I want to be.

Especially in a confined space.

This evening, I was out in the barn, doing my "rounds". I had Mabel munching on Alfalfa in the stanchion, goats eating hay in there stalls, a crazy LGD wrestling with an empty dog food bag, and me, outside adding wood to the tank heater.

My downfall was that I had one extra piece of scrap lumber that didn't fit in the heater.

In my barn, I have a grain wagon, with a few hay bales in front of it. I use these bales first, so I never bothered to stack them with the others. Since the wagon is in the middle of the barn, it hides the bales from sight, if you're behind the wagon.

Thinking I was innocently tossing an unneeded chunk of firewood back into the pile, I gave the piece of used 2x6 a hefty toss toward the stack containing it's mates.

Unfortunately, my left-handed throw was just a TINY bit off and the wood headed toward a piece of barn tin I had leaning up against the wall. There was a LOUD "crash" as the wood contacted the metal.

Also unfortunately, as I tossed the wood, I continued on walking toward Mabel and her stanchion. I had just rounded the corner of the wagon, when I realized I was in the flight path of a charging heifer, with no escape....

Belle was apparently in front of the wagon, molesting a hay bale. When she heard the racket the wood hitting tin made, she high-tailed it in the opposite direction.

She came around the front of the wagon, just as I rounded the rear.

I know she saw me, but I realized she DID NOT CARE. She was going to escape whatever made that sound at ALL costs!

I turned, hugged the wagon, and hoped for the best. It's a good thing Belle is still young - very much bigger and she'd have taken my hide with her. As it was, I felt her rub the backs of my legs as she zipped by.

I managed a glimpse of her cutting around the corner and heading out of the back door, tail sticking straight up.

Amazing. A 400 pound cow, afraid of a block of old wood not much bigger then my hand.

Crazy cow probably blames me for scaring her out of her skin.

Maybe she can replace it with the part of my hide she took with her.....