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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Al Gored....

Well not really GORED, but it COULD have been ugly.....

I survived a goat attack with just a minor scratch on......how did Forrest Gump put it?

My But-tocks......

Got Me!

Maybe it was because they were mad at us moving them to the barnyard yesterday. It could be because they don't like staring at the cows across the fence now (and they had to run by them to get to the barn). I'm not sure WHY they felt they had to do it, I just know it happened.....

There I was, going about the business at hand - feeding the very monsters that attacked me. I am the "bringer of grain and hay" and even those tasty corn stalks. Not matter - goats don't think like that - they have a "what have you done for me, lately" attitude, and aren't above "biting the hand that feeds" them.

Anyway, I was heading out behind the barn to deliver the morning goods. I usually straddle the trough so I can dump the bucket as I move backwards. I didn't get that far today.

Bunny - who HAS to be a relative of that psycho cat - decides she wants to stand up and stick her nose in the bucket. Now, usually, I am ready for such shenanigans but, this time THEY were ready for ME.

As Bunny occupied my attention, two of her co-conspirators snuck in behind me.

It was the old trick where one of your buddies gets down on all fours behind you while another one pushes you from the front.....


Still works.

Bunny stopped nosing the bucket and put her front feet on my chest and SHOVED. I figured out what was happening, but too late - I'd done been had. I did the proverbial "ass over teakettle" thing. The GOOD part of this is that I landed on a couple goats, so the ride to the ground was pretty easy and even soft. I even managed to save the bucket of grain.

The BAD news was, when I landed, only ONE of the goats got out from under me -
Romper still had her head attached to my hind-end.

Now - There I was - laying on the ground with a goat's head up my butt. I pulled, she pushed, I pushed, she pulled. Neither one of us could get loose. The spot where we landed is on a slope of dirt, so my head was downhill, making it even MORE difficult to break loose. I tried rolling sideways, but that didn't work either.

I could reach behind me and feel her horn going in the "big" rip in the photo, and the tip was coming out the small hole. It was a deal where she had to push and pull at the same time to get free. Try explaining THAT to a goat.

I distinctly remember seeing two vehicles going by on the road while I was laying like this (about 4-5 minutes apart...). I just hope they couldn't see what was taking place, and glad they didn't stop to render aid....

The odd thing was - the other goats just stopped, stood, and stared - nobody went for the bucket I had let go of, nobody even MOVED.

They were probably holding back laughter....

Since the wind was blowing from the north - the side of the barn we were on - and the windchill was right at 17° - time was becoming a factor. I figured that the goat under my rear was also getting tired of the "SIT" uation (sorry, bad pun, but I HAD to...), and would probably begin thrashing in short order.

I HAD to get out of there SOON - it was starting to get cold (well, at least PART of me had something warm to rest on...), and I didn't like the pictures forming in my mind concerning thrashing goat horns and their location. It had been about 10 minutes and well past time for doing something.

Somehow, since great minds think alike, we both decided to tug in opposite directions at the same time. A mighty heave, a couple of twists, and a hearty shove, and we suddenly found ourselves apart.

I got up, grabbed the bucket, and filled the trough.

Everyone held their ground for a few seconds, then dove into the grain like nothing happened.

As I walked away - as soon as I was out of sight - I SWEAR I heard snickers. If you've ever heard a goat laugh, then you never forget the sound.

I left them to their breakfast and hobbled back to the house to have mine....

...and to change my pants.


  1. I just love reading your adventures with the farm critters! It *does* seem like they abuse you though! Your wife must be very tempted to catch a picture of you in some of these situations!

  2. I'm glad she wasn't there! Although - about half way through the ordeal, it occured to me that it would have made a nifty video.....


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